Life

How To Make Your Study Abroad Romance Last

The sun is shining, summer is almost here, and with it, comes the question that thousands of college couples will face: should we stay together over the summer? In this week’s installment of Ro&Co, Arushi is back, and sharing her tips for handling a long-distance relationship.

featured _ LDR.png

Hi! I’m so happy to write for Rosana’s blog again. Dating in college is a popular topic of discussion. Should you break up with your high school partner? Should you jump into a long-term relationship one week into college, or ~discover yourself~ and keep things casual?

I can’t answer those questions for you, but if at any point in your college life, you have faced the break up versus do long-distance dilemma, then I can help you get some clarity. I met my boyfriend when I was in Italy for study abroad, and although I’m back in Chicago now, we have been happily together ever since.

LDR Europe.png

The short answer is that there is no magic formula. There are many articles online that attempt to answer this question, but I didn’t find anything that I didn’t already know. Yes, you need to communicate well, have a long-term (or semi long-term) idea of where the relationship is headed, and know when you will see each other again. That’s the easy stuff. How about handling the stressful, emotional, hormonal, intoxicated mess that is college?

Every couple has different expectations and a different story, so I won’t tell you what you should do. Instead, here are 5 golden don’ts Google searches never told me:

Don’t be petty

I would highlight this point and have fifty neon arrows pointing toward it because that’s how important this is. Sometimes college can push you to the brink of absolute frustration, or you might be surrounded by people with their on-campus partners. It is also possible you’re occasionally jealous about people your partner interacts with in their social or professional surroundings.

While I can’t give you one specific solution on how to deal with all of that, I can tell you one thing: don’t be petty. If the good ol’ be-petty-to-get-attention monster creeps up on me, I usually check myself with this question: If he did the same thing, would it bother me? Doing or saying something just to get back at your partner never helps, and it is even harder to resolve when you cannot physically be with each other. Some people I have talked to told me they found themselves harmlessly flirting with people whenever they fought with their partner. As a general rule of thumb, if you fought with your partner this morning, intentionally leading on that flirty barista later on in the day is not going to help your relationship.

Don’t be stupid

You would think this is an intuitive one, but it’s really not. When I say don’t be stupid, I mean it in two ways. The first is more obvious: don’t put yourself in a situation that could end badly. Take your common sense–and if necessary, a friend you trust–to your ex’s party, for example.

The second way is not so obvious, but equally important. Don’t be stupid and forget about the other parts of your life that are important as well. College has so much to offer professionally, intellectually, and socially. Although long distance relationships require effort, it’s important to hold onto the other aspects of your life. You can Facetime the partner after your midterm tomorrow, and you can make time for lunch with your friends if you really try to. I usually maintain this balance by allotting time slots to things. For example, I could set an hour aside today to Facetime him, three hours for homework, and another hour to get food with a friend.

LDR Chicago.png

Don’t do it because “Why not?”

Temptation is everywhere, but college is notorious for bringing out the demon. If your reason for doing long-distance is “why not?” or because you want to try and see how it will go, then it’s probably not a good call. If you don’t think that the person you’re with is your perfect match, and the only one for you, then that uncertainty will haunt you on bad days. This could lead to either resentment with an eventual breakup, or to one of you cheating with an eventual breakup. In my case, my boyfriend and I did not question the decision to do long distance for even a second when it was finally time for me to leave Italy. In fact, that certainty is what makes our bond stronger with each passing day.

Don’t forget it’s 2018

I’m not just talking about how lucky we are to have Skype, Facetime, instant messaging, and faster transportation. Indeed, in 2018, we don’t have to wait for our trusted owl to fly back with our lover’s winding letter written on the finest piece of parchment in all the land.

We also don’t have to forget to appreciate our partner once in a while. Sometimes, when my boyfriend is stressed about an exam, I order his favorite food on an Italian food delivery app and it reaches him while I’m sitting in another continent. On important days (anniversaries, birthdays, etc.), or when we just feel like it, we use Amazon or other websites to send small (or big) gifts, flowers, or anything else to show that we’re on each other’s minds even from so far away. Of course, this costs money, so we also remember to appreciate in non-monetary ways that aren’t exclusive to just 2018–like literally telling each other!

LDR Italy.png

Don’t give up at the slightest inconvenience

The internet will tell you not to give up on your relationship when you are deciding between starting long distance and breaking up. I’m telling you not to give up on your relationship at the slightest inconvenience when you have already made the decision to do long distance, i.e. don’t give up on the relationship just because it gets rough sometimes! Even the worst fight in the world can be overcome if you just communicate and remember how much you care about each other. Note: This does not apply if you’re being mistreated or abused.

Whatever you decide to do with your love life, remember that at the end of the day, your happiness matters the most. If you think being with your partner regardless of the distance is what will make you the happiest, then you know what to do! Much love.

Life

Tinder 101: Surviving the Most Perilous of Dating Apps| Ro&Co

In this week’s edition of Ro&Co, Claire shares her crash course for success on the infamous Tinder as a college student. Check out her previous post for Ro&Co about making it to the gym in the cold!

pinterest _ tinder 101

 

Hi Everyone! Today I’m gonna talk about how to build a Tinder bio. I’ve been an emotionally unavailable gal on the go for several months nows, so I’ve had a bit of time to experiment with my Tinder game. Here’s some of my advice for crafting a bio, and some my tidbits of advice and biggest pet peeves.

 

 Image-1

Bio

In my opinion, the bio is the most important part of any Tinder profile. It is usually the conversation starter for the first message that gets sent to you; so make sure it’s something you’re down to talk about. I’ve had a lot of experience with tinder bios (because I make my bio the funniest I’ve seen or thought of lately) and I’ve had a range of responses. A George Bush quote was a great intro for me, whereas the phrase ‘too competitive for three-ways’ led to a lot of creepy messages.

Currently I have the bio “known mansplainer” which is really just a description but it’s really fun to see what people message me about that. Basically choose a bio that reflects your personality and involves a topic that you’re willing to talk about with 3/4 of your matches.

Whatever you do though, PLEASE make an original bio. The best bios I’ve ever seen are funny things that separate you from everyone else. Some of the great bios I saw this week said things like “sponsored by Soulja boy”,  “pretty much only looking to get married”, and “avid sleeper”. A longer example from one of my friends is “once sprained my thumb on a soap dispenser; message me if you’re interested in going my class action lawsuit”. 

 

Unknown

Photos

The next step of building your Tinder profile is the photos. I think that the first picture should absolutely be a solo shot. No one wants to wonder who their swiping on. Additionally, you need to have three or more photos. When I see a bio with one pic, I assume that a) I’m being catfished, or b) that picture is not an accurate representation of you. Finally, I try to have at least one or two photos of me and others (not the first photo obviously) to imply that I have friends.

Image-1-1

Strategy

I like to be aware of the vibe I’m sending with my photos. If I’m looking for a casual hookup, I try to make my profile a smidge more risqué than I would if I were looking for friends. Obviously my profile cannot and should not be assumed to mean consent or interest in anything, but I remember that I have some control over the people I’m trying to get matches with. For instance, if I really just want people to send memes, I will literally write that in my bio. If I’m just looking for sex, I make that clear too.

You don’t have to precisely spell out “I am using this app for sex” but there are definitely funny ways to make this clear. For example, one bio I read during my research (lol) said “physics student; I’ll help you with your math and science homework if you help me understand some content for my physiology class.” This boy managed to say “I AM HERE FOR SEX” while still making me laugh, and that’s a win.

Image-5

Tinder Dates

I think that one of the biggest Tinder mistakes you can make is refusing to ever go on any dates. I hear this a lot from my friends for a lot of different reasons. Some say that they’re scared to commit. Some only want to use the app for an ego boost. Some people are just afraid of meeting strangers from the internet.

My advice is to give it a chance. If you really click with someone, then maybe grab coffee. I once went on a Tinder first date where I clicked with the guy so well that we sat in a coffee shop for 4 hours talking! A lot of the people on Tinder are normal and just looking for the same things we are. That being said, I’m super scared of being killed by a serial killer so I definitely recommend having this Tinder date in a public place (instead of a secluded park at midnight).

 

Are you afraid of Tinder serial killers? What are your bio tips? Let me know on instagram @clairedrigs.

Check out Claire’s previous post on Ro&Co about making it to the gym in the winter!